Humility and the Healthy Ego

Part 2, The Hexagram Tour of the Ego

In the last post I suggested that what positive psychologists are describing as "humility" is really mental health. For example, in the literature humility is described as having a secure and grounded identity. But this is backwards. It is, rather, that secure and grounded people are humble.

This is important to get straight, as I described at the end of the last post, as telling insecure and unstable people to be humble isn't going to be helpful. The first thing that needs to happen is to stabilize the ego, and from there capacities for humility with follow.

That said, humility has been a remarkable and fruitful entry window onto mental health. What has the research on humility revealed to us about a healthy ego? In The Shape of Joy I gather the research into a hexagon, six different but related windows that reveal the heath of our egos. Here's that figure from The Shape of Joy:

So, the six windows onto the ego are volume, focus, investment, stability, valuation, and size:

Ego volume: Ego volume concerns if the voice in your head, your self-talk, is "loud" or "quiet." Cycles of negative self-talk create a "loud" ego, what Ethan Kross calls "chatter," where the self is drawn inward by the critical noise of the inner self. By contrast, a "quiet" ego doesn't generate cycles of inner self-criticism.

Ego focus: Ego focus concerns the degree to which the ego is focused inwardly upon the self versus outwardly toward others. Where are the "eyes" and attention of the ego directed? At the self or at others?

Ego investment: Ego investment concerns the degree to which ego is self-absorbed versus self-forgetful. Psychologists describe a self-forgetting ego as "hypo-egoic." As the odd adage goes, humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it is thinking about yourself less.

Ego Stability: Ego stability concerns how reactive the ego is to ego-threats. Ego-threats are situations or experiences that challenge our self-concept, self-worth, or identity. Examples include failure, criticism, rejection, and social comparison. Ego reactivity concerns our emotional (anger, shame, defensiveness, anxiety), cognitive (rationalizations, denial, blame-shifting, denigration of others), and behavioral (avoidance, argumentation, overcompensation, aggression) reactions toward ego-threats. Healthy egos are stable and non-reactive in the face of ego-threats. Unhealthy egos are unstable and reactive.

Ego Valuation: Ego valuation concerns the conditionality of our value and worth. When the value and worth of the ego is tied to metrics of success or failure ego valuation is conditional. When the value and worth of the ego is cosmic and existential, fixed and constant no matter one's successes and failures, ego valuation is unconditional.

Ego Size: Ego size concerns the perceived sense of self-importance and the boundaries of the ego in relation to the world. A "large" ego is self-important and stands separately and autonomously in relation to the world. A "small" ego sees itself in relationship with the larger concerns of the world and fits itself into and identifies with those larger concerns. A "large" ego is all about Me. A "small" ego is all about We.

Stepping back, you can see how the research on humility has provided an excellent entry point into an investigation of mental health and the healthy ego. Humble people have quiet, self-forgetful, and small egos. Humble people are other-focused rather than self-focused. Humble people aren't overly wrapped up in metrics of winning or losing. And yet, when you look at our hexagram tour of the ego the vision we have is larger and deeper than what the word "humility" is capturing. We'll turn toward that issue in the next post.