Psalm 51
"Create in me a clean heart, O God"
I can't tell you how many times I've prayed Psalm 51. I've prayed it more than any other psalm.
It's both a blessing and a curse to have a sensitive conscience. A blessing because it is morally wholesome to be attuned to your failures, especially how you treat others. I think guilt and shame are salutary emotions, necessary, healthy and vital aspects of being a good human being. We need these emotional nudges to prompt social repair and to make amends.
And yet, it's also a curse to have a sensitive conscience. There's the constant temptation of scrupulosity. Shame and guilt can tip into mental illness.
What I can share about my own journey with a sensitive conscience is that Psalm 51 has been my constant companion. I've turned to it again and again when I've experienced moral failures. "Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a steadfast spirit within me. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Blot out all my iniquities."
I have prayed these words so, so many times. They have carried me and have been my companion through many dark hours.
I too have a likely overly sensitive conscience that is more an aspect of my infernal pride, I think, a sin which will one Day be gone, than it is anything having to do with true conviction from His Holy Spirit, and I'm also given to praying prayers like Psalm 51 more times than maybe I probably should. I mean, I've never actually impregnated another man's wife and then to cover up that sin had her husband killed, although I have had plenty of wicked adulterous and murderous thoughts which Jesus said is the same thing, but shouldn't I pray "The LORD is my Shepherd" more often than "Create in me a clean heart, O God" if I'm going to be truly healthy in my walk with my Redeemer, Jesus Christ?
Right there with you compadre.