Shame and the Kindness of God

This week out at the prison we were in the book of Titus. 

The issue of character, virtue, and holiness is a huge theme in the book of Titus. The character of leaders is highlighted (1.6-9), along with everyone in the church--young and old, men and women (2.1-6). This strong focus on holiness is summed up at the end of Chapter 2:

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. (2.11-13)

After discussing our way through these texts, toward the end of the study I stopped and shared a pastoral concern.

"I always worry," I told the men, "when I know our study is going to focus on texts like this, because I know how conversations like this have the potential to create a lot of guilt and shame."

I've written about this pastoral concern a lot here in this space. Obviously, these men are in prison. So guilt is a pressing and haunting concern. Also, given where they live, the temptations they face on a daily basis are enormous. It is difficult, in the words of Titus, "to live a self-controlled, upright and godly life" in a maximum-security prison.

And so, when I get to texts like these, I stop to express my concerns. And the conversation we had this week went deeper than those we have had in the past, with some of the men becoming especially vulnerable, even tearful. Tears of vulnerability are rare in their world. One brother shared that he can't look at himself in the mirror, his shame is so great. Seeing himself is painful.

Knowing that Titus had a lot of content that would stir up these sorts of feelings, I turned at the end to highlight this passage from Chapter 3:

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. (3.3-5)

The word I underlined in this text for the men, the word that struck me most forcibly, was "kindness": "But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy."

"God is kind," I told the men. Yes, we are called to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives. Such lives are good for us. We benefit from that journey. Holiness is.a grace. We step away from a life enslaved to passions and filled with malice, envy, and hate.

But when we stumble in this journey, and shame comes back with a vengeance, we remember the kindness of God. Our salvation is "not because of righteous things we have done," it's because of God's kindness, love, and mercy.

"In your shame," I said, "remember that God is kind."