I want to say that the prerequisite to humility is gratitude. If you are deeply grateful—truly aware that life, love, and breath itself are gifts—then humility naturally follows. You don’t need to chase recognition. You aren’t frantically proving your worth. Gratitude quiets the ego. You can’t “will” yourself into humility if you’re still scrambling to justify your existence. People with secure identities are the ones free to choose the last place—because they no longer see it as a loss.
This is why Jordan Peterson's message is so destructive. It carries the same malignancy at the heart of the human condition that has brought suffering, death, and destruction down through the ages, the Imperial Capital "I" of the unfettered human ego.
Sadly, trauma can create within us the belief that we don't matter... are unimportant... so would you say that this can be a set-up for chasing exactly what you are talking about? Chasing the fools gold of making ourselves look like we matter in the ways that society dictates.... It truly is a gerbil wheel that can cycle downward.. and can leave one more isolated than before... or chasing the many ways people self-medicate. It is a complex topic that has many distributaries... a long and interesting discussion. I look forward to more...
Thank you for bringing up this topic. It's always fascinating to explore it from the perspective of the Hebrew Bible especially how the Jewish people formed their identity, a struggle that the entire Tanakh grapples with. And in many ways, that struggle continues today, both on an individual and collective level, in my opinion. That’s why I often wonder: is it even possible to have an identity without trauma, without an "Other," without opposition? I’m inclined to think not. This need for identity likely wouldn’t arise at all if it weren’t for the presence of 'the Other', the different, the stranger. But perhaps once you’ve found true grounding and roots, that’s when the saying becomes true: “No one can uproot you or shake you.” Because at that point, you simply know who you are and where you come from. But Let’s slip into the philosopher’s robe. Postmodernism has done a remarkable job exposing identity as fluid, constructed, and contingent. From Foucault’s genealogies to Judith Butler’s performativity, we’ve learned that “who we are” is often a repetition of social scripts dressed as selfhood. There is no stable “I,” only masks, roles, iterations echoes shaped by language, culture, power. And this seems liberating. After all, if identity is a performance, we can rewrite the script. We can refuse the name, the gender, the nationality, the trauma. We can be fluid, evasive, unpinnable. But here’s the rub: this fluidity can become its own prison. If you are always in motion, always becoming, where do you rest? Where do you belong?
We might flee from fixed identity only to discover we’ve become exiles in the self. Untethered. And this is where trauma often reenters, not as a past event but as a structure the wound that insists on its own narrativization. Identity, for many, is built around what has hurt us, displaced us, marked us. But here’s the paradox: grounded identity is often born from the presence of the Other. We know who we are because we are not them. Jew vs. Gentile. Citizen vs. foreigner. Believer vs. heretic. The stranger defines the boundary of the self. So even stable identities are haunted by opposition they are structured by exclusion.
Thus, the circle closes: identity seeks grounding, but grounding always entails a border, and every border produces an Other. The more stable the identity, the sharper the fence. So what now? Is there a way out? Philosophically, we might need a third term: not “identity” or “no identity,” but hospitality – an identity that knows itself yet makes room for the stranger. A grounded self that isn’t threatened by the Other, because it has metabolized its trauma into grace. Levinas might whisper: It is the face of the Other that first calls me into being. Identity isn’t what I declare, but how I respond.
And so, the cycle doesn’t end but it transforms. Not a trap, but a dance. Not opposition, but encounter. As if you would ask yourself – would you dare walk it barefoot? Take off your shoes before come inside others house.
I have really appreciated Richard's reflections on humility over these last few weeks. My most recent prayer focus has been around his idea of the "outward turn." The conversation around this on Richard's appearance on this Nomad Podcast episode (https://www.nomadpodcast.co.uk/richard-beck-the-joy-of-moving-beyond-yourself-n348/) was also very helpful for me.
Thank you so much for your ongoing reflections based on "The Shape of Joy." I found this book so helpful and insightful that I did a sermon series this Spring based on it. Today's meditation exposes at so much of the existential anxiety and neurotic social comparison games I see swirling around the Christian university I'm closest to. Your notion of "superhero games" in the book was profoundly unmasking for a lot of activities that Christians participate in that have little to do with Jesus and everything to do with self-importance. I'm grateful for your writing, Richard!
Thank for this insight. It gives expression to something I felt for years as a local church minister. It was this odd situation where you get told - even trained - that to follow Jesus means to Carpe diem the crap out of everything. Which is exhausting and requires zero humility and leaves you feeling ashamed that you don’t have higher Sunday attendance, or larger budget or amazing followers of Jesus because somehow you failed.
I really hope we get a long discussion on this one! I have carried this discussion into my work (I read an article you did years ago about capitalism usurping the definition of mattering) as a therapist, seeing so much comparison, anxiety and depression over not being enough.. wanting to matter. But there is so much more as you go down the rabbit hole of what people do in order to avoid their shame... not being accountable, gaslighting as they see through twisted lens...lacking the strength to be an honest person that has to admit they are wrong, or not important in this unhealthy society...and it often impacts their relationships. It seems like we are quickly building self-centered folks, lacking ethics and morals... chasing the mattering. .. and it is a major barrier to humility... something society sees as week... .
I want to say that the prerequisite to humility is gratitude. If you are deeply grateful—truly aware that life, love, and breath itself are gifts—then humility naturally follows. You don’t need to chase recognition. You aren’t frantically proving your worth. Gratitude quiets the ego. You can’t “will” yourself into humility if you’re still scrambling to justify your existence. People with secure identities are the ones free to choose the last place—because they no longer see it as a loss.
This is a keeper, Richard. The question is, how is identity healed after the bruising we all go through?
Dana
This route seems to take a lifetime of slow growth
This is why Jordan Peterson's message is so destructive. It carries the same malignancy at the heart of the human condition that has brought suffering, death, and destruction down through the ages, the Imperial Capital "I" of the unfettered human ego.
Sadly, trauma can create within us the belief that we don't matter... are unimportant... so would you say that this can be a set-up for chasing exactly what you are talking about? Chasing the fools gold of making ourselves look like we matter in the ways that society dictates.... It truly is a gerbil wheel that can cycle downward.. and can leave one more isolated than before... or chasing the many ways people self-medicate. It is a complex topic that has many distributaries... a long and interesting discussion. I look forward to more...
Thank you for bringing up this topic. It's always fascinating to explore it from the perspective of the Hebrew Bible especially how the Jewish people formed their identity, a struggle that the entire Tanakh grapples with. And in many ways, that struggle continues today, both on an individual and collective level, in my opinion. That’s why I often wonder: is it even possible to have an identity without trauma, without an "Other," without opposition? I’m inclined to think not. This need for identity likely wouldn’t arise at all if it weren’t for the presence of 'the Other', the different, the stranger. But perhaps once you’ve found true grounding and roots, that’s when the saying becomes true: “No one can uproot you or shake you.” Because at that point, you simply know who you are and where you come from. But Let’s slip into the philosopher’s robe. Postmodernism has done a remarkable job exposing identity as fluid, constructed, and contingent. From Foucault’s genealogies to Judith Butler’s performativity, we’ve learned that “who we are” is often a repetition of social scripts dressed as selfhood. There is no stable “I,” only masks, roles, iterations echoes shaped by language, culture, power. And this seems liberating. After all, if identity is a performance, we can rewrite the script. We can refuse the name, the gender, the nationality, the trauma. We can be fluid, evasive, unpinnable. But here’s the rub: this fluidity can become its own prison. If you are always in motion, always becoming, where do you rest? Where do you belong?
We might flee from fixed identity only to discover we’ve become exiles in the self. Untethered. And this is where trauma often reenters, not as a past event but as a structure the wound that insists on its own narrativization. Identity, for many, is built around what has hurt us, displaced us, marked us. But here’s the paradox: grounded identity is often born from the presence of the Other. We know who we are because we are not them. Jew vs. Gentile. Citizen vs. foreigner. Believer vs. heretic. The stranger defines the boundary of the self. So even stable identities are haunted by opposition they are structured by exclusion.
Thus, the circle closes: identity seeks grounding, but grounding always entails a border, and every border produces an Other. The more stable the identity, the sharper the fence. So what now? Is there a way out? Philosophically, we might need a third term: not “identity” or “no identity,” but hospitality – an identity that knows itself yet makes room for the stranger. A grounded self that isn’t threatened by the Other, because it has metabolized its trauma into grace. Levinas might whisper: It is the face of the Other that first calls me into being. Identity isn’t what I declare, but how I respond.
And so, the cycle doesn’t end but it transforms. Not a trap, but a dance. Not opposition, but encounter. As if you would ask yourself – would you dare walk it barefoot? Take off your shoes before come inside others house.
I have really appreciated Richard's reflections on humility over these last few weeks. My most recent prayer focus has been around his idea of the "outward turn." The conversation around this on Richard's appearance on this Nomad Podcast episode (https://www.nomadpodcast.co.uk/richard-beck-the-joy-of-moving-beyond-yourself-n348/) was also very helpful for me.
Thank you so much for your ongoing reflections based on "The Shape of Joy." I found this book so helpful and insightful that I did a sermon series this Spring based on it. Today's meditation exposes at so much of the existential anxiety and neurotic social comparison games I see swirling around the Christian university I'm closest to. Your notion of "superhero games" in the book was profoundly unmasking for a lot of activities that Christians participate in that have little to do with Jesus and everything to do with self-importance. I'm grateful for your writing, Richard!
Thank for this insight. It gives expression to something I felt for years as a local church minister. It was this odd situation where you get told - even trained - that to follow Jesus means to Carpe diem the crap out of everything. Which is exhausting and requires zero humility and leaves you feeling ashamed that you don’t have higher Sunday attendance, or larger budget or amazing followers of Jesus because somehow you failed.
Great post! I definitely struggle with this all the time. I am totally aware I am doing it, but I can't seem to find a way beyond it.
I really hope we get a long discussion on this one! I have carried this discussion into my work (I read an article you did years ago about capitalism usurping the definition of mattering) as a therapist, seeing so much comparison, anxiety and depression over not being enough.. wanting to matter. But there is so much more as you go down the rabbit hole of what people do in order to avoid their shame... not being accountable, gaslighting as they see through twisted lens...lacking the strength to be an honest person that has to admit they are wrong, or not important in this unhealthy society...and it often impacts their relationships. It seems like we are quickly building self-centered folks, lacking ethics and morals... chasing the mattering. .. and it is a major barrier to humility... something society sees as week... .