I watched Marty Stouffer's Wild America as a kid. I loved seeing the footage of the animals and I couldn't figure out why I sometimes felt an intense existential sadness. [An odd thing for a 10 year old to feel].
Looking back on it, I realize that I was picking up the show's purely naturalistic and evolutionary worldview. It made me lonely for God.
I wanted to hear that God had created these animals and had uniquely formed them with special purposes and defenses that held nature together. I wanted an explanation of the natural world that included a sustaining and loving creator.
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard."
This post speaks so directly to my own experience.
When I was a young child I "knew" Jesus as an actual person. I didn't know anything about adult theology. I just knew that this guy was the person I most wanted to be like. Then I got to Lutheran confirmation classes and had to learn to give the "right" answers to the catechism questions about "right doctrine." And I thought I had to convince myself to believe all of that stuff.
This lasted till I made it to seminary, at which point I came to two openings. First, I finally admitted to myself that I am a gay man. Second, I finally admitted to myself that much of that "right doctrine" makes no sense to me. More importantly, it gets between me and the person Jesus. I left seminary, I left the church, I left Christianity...but Jesus went with me. Jesus has no fear of the wilderness.
Wonderful. What a beautiful thought
I watched Marty Stouffer's Wild America as a kid. I loved seeing the footage of the animals and I couldn't figure out why I sometimes felt an intense existential sadness. [An odd thing for a 10 year old to feel].
Looking back on it, I realize that I was picking up the show's purely naturalistic and evolutionary worldview. It made me lonely for God.
I wanted to hear that God had created these animals and had uniquely formed them with special purposes and defenses that held nature together. I wanted an explanation of the natural world that included a sustaining and loving creator.
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard."
“My friends, God is necessary for me if only because he is the one being who can be loved eternally.” (Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Demons)
This post speaks so directly to my own experience.
When I was a young child I "knew" Jesus as an actual person. I didn't know anything about adult theology. I just knew that this guy was the person I most wanted to be like. Then I got to Lutheran confirmation classes and had to learn to give the "right" answers to the catechism questions about "right doctrine." And I thought I had to convince myself to believe all of that stuff.
This lasted till I made it to seminary, at which point I came to two openings. First, I finally admitted to myself that I am a gay man. Second, I finally admitted to myself that much of that "right doctrine" makes no sense to me. More importantly, it gets between me and the person Jesus. I left seminary, I left the church, I left Christianity...but Jesus went with me. Jesus has no fear of the wilderness.
Indeed. Beautifully said.