The Seven Great Pains of Sin
Part 3, Dazed and Confused
Having described the first three great pains of sin as being weakened, hurt, and injured, Julian of Norwich describes the fourth great pain of sin as cognitive.
In reflecting upon the plight of the fallen servant, the image Julian is surveying as a metaphor for sin, Julian observes the state of the servant's mental state having sustained his injuries:
...his reason was blinded and his mind stunned to such an extent that he had almost forgotten his own love for the lord.
This is the fourth great pain of sin, a mind blinded and stunned by our injuries, causing us to lose sight of God.
What Julian is describing here are what theologians call the noetic effects of sin. The way sin twists our thoughts and distorts our perceptions. The way sin makes it difficult to see clearly. Myself, others, and the world. We can stumble because of weakness, yes, but we can also stumble because we're walking in darkness.
But what especially strikes me about Julian's description is the word "stunned." Sin stuns the mind. The shock of our pain and hurt blocks our ability to think clearly. Getting injured radically affects our mental processing. Our hurt twists our perceptions. Our pain causes us to panic.
I find in all this a very evocative way to ponder our lives. I don't think people wake up in the morning with malevolent intentions or well-laid plans that are transparently self-defeating. I think, for most of us, we're just banging into things with no real rhyme or reason. We're stumbling around. We do a lot of stuff that makes no sense or is patently stupid. And it's interesting to look at all that behavior as less a product of willful decision-making than the actions of a person who is dazed and confused, stunned and concussed.
Jesus did go around healing a lot of blind people.
As I’ve been reading this series so far I sense this is a journey into my own life since birth. Where & how sin, or separateness from God, entered into my life. The ways are numerous. Separateness & lack of devotion to God is everywhere even among those who grew up in a Christ devoted home. There’s always lack in the world & in people yet we look to humans as our first representations of God. This is why I have great respect & realize the immense responsibility parents have in influencing their children. My parents failed, in many ways, at teaching me to turn to God & rely solely on Him so I took that failed reliance into the world. I demanded & expected others to fill in the gaps, the God gaps, that they left. Now I’m not blaming them for damaging me. They were damaged coming into relationship with me & hurt people, hurt people. Broken people, break people. God knew this about His creation when He made it. He didn’t make a bunch of equals to Himself. He created children & children needs their Parent. In this scenario though He IS the perfect Parent who never leaves a gap or fails at anything we need.
In the situation regarding the gaps my parents left, I’ve acknowledged their failings & the harm that caused me & have turned my unmet needs to my Perfect Father. This is a form of forgiveness, a pardon, let them off the hook for being God. I’ve turned my attention & focus toward God for all that I need & He has not let me down. He has made me wait patiently but never let me down. I have to fix my eyes & heart on Him, that’s my part especially in the patient part, which is a lot. I’ve just not found a better way. Looking to others & the world to give me something that only He can provide has been a bust. Also as a result of this forgiveness, or pardoning, I can love & appreciate others & the world the way God through Christ loves me. This is freedom. I’m grateful for this & other thought provoking writings that help me come back to Who my center is.