Thanks for this thoughtful and well-researched reflection. I found it deeply resonant.
If I may, I’d like to add a personal observation: I’ve never met a truly humble person who wasn’t also deeply grateful. In my experience, humility and gratitude travel together. When someone sees themselves clearly and without illusion, they tend to recognize how much they owe to others—and that naturally leads to a spirit of thankfulness. Gratitude may not be the definition of humility, but it’s very often its evidence.
Your comment made me think of something: I often fall back on my own brokenness and failures as a source of humility. When someone irritates me I think “Well, I’ve been annoying as well” or so one cuts me off in traffic I think, “Well, I’ve cut people off at times when I was really in a hurry.”
But Jesus…. has no brokenness, no failures, nothing like that on which to rely. Perhaps He knows our brokenness and that’s enough for Him to know, we have dirty feet and are desperate for a cleansing.
He was tested in every way we are and yet did not do anything that missed the mark - as a human being, not just because he was God, and not simply on the level of morality. Also, the Gospels say he was moved with compassion. He didn't have to know sin through his own failure. He was completely united with humanity by means of the Incarnation. He knew. That's hard for us to wrap our heads around, because we don't consider the ramifications of the Incarnation.
I have carried this discussion into my work (I read an article you did years ago about capitalism usurping the definition of mattering) as a therapist, seeing so much comparison, anxiety and depression over not being enough.. wanting to matter. But there is so much more as you go down the rabbit hole of what people do in order to avoid their shame... and as someone that works with family conflict, it often involves people not being able to be a person that makes a mistake. Your list is so good..although I think that there is more subtle behavior... even what people call the savior complex, appearing to be so compassionate and other-focused, ultimately is to avoid their own lack of self-worth. People can get very sneaky about all this... If we go down the rabbit hole of each catagory, how it impacts those around us in our personal relationships and in our community, it gets ugly... hurtful... it looks like what we see around us in politics, in the economic situation, on social media and in our broken families. Richard...it seems like we are building self-centered people.. the term narcissist is maybe overused... but as I look closer, I don't know. Common behaviors seriously concern me.
Thanks for bringing this out for me again after reading Shape of Joy.
Can I be honest in saying that as far as the self reflective bit goes I probably pass the test.
My question to you is what I should do if I fail miserably many of the other tests, in particular with my nearest and dearest. Feel pretty down at the moment and clearly my work being more like Jesus is not working. Following your blogs and books over the last three years is likely not helping much either.
Hoping you may have some words of wisdom for this struggling 76 year old.
⸻
Thanks for this thoughtful and well-researched reflection. I found it deeply resonant.
If I may, I’d like to add a personal observation: I’ve never met a truly humble person who wasn’t also deeply grateful. In my experience, humility and gratitude travel together. When someone sees themselves clearly and without illusion, they tend to recognize how much they owe to others—and that naturally leads to a spirit of thankfulness. Gratitude may not be the definition of humility, but it’s very often its evidence.
Sort of like putting a towel around your waist and washing the dung off the feet of your friends.
Your comment made me think of something: I often fall back on my own brokenness and failures as a source of humility. When someone irritates me I think “Well, I’ve been annoying as well” or so one cuts me off in traffic I think, “Well, I’ve cut people off at times when I was really in a hurry.”
But Jesus…. has no brokenness, no failures, nothing like that on which to rely. Perhaps He knows our brokenness and that’s enough for Him to know, we have dirty feet and are desperate for a cleansing.
He was tested in every way we are and yet did not do anything that missed the mark - as a human being, not just because he was God, and not simply on the level of morality. Also, the Gospels say he was moved with compassion. He didn't have to know sin through his own failure. He was completely united with humanity by means of the Incarnation. He knew. That's hard for us to wrap our heads around, because we don't consider the ramifications of the Incarnation.
Dana
I have carried this discussion into my work (I read an article you did years ago about capitalism usurping the definition of mattering) as a therapist, seeing so much comparison, anxiety and depression over not being enough.. wanting to matter. But there is so much more as you go down the rabbit hole of what people do in order to avoid their shame... and as someone that works with family conflict, it often involves people not being able to be a person that makes a mistake. Your list is so good..although I think that there is more subtle behavior... even what people call the savior complex, appearing to be so compassionate and other-focused, ultimately is to avoid their own lack of self-worth. People can get very sneaky about all this... If we go down the rabbit hole of each catagory, how it impacts those around us in our personal relationships and in our community, it gets ugly... hurtful... it looks like what we see around us in politics, in the economic situation, on social media and in our broken families. Richard...it seems like we are building self-centered people.. the term narcissist is maybe overused... but as I look closer, I don't know. Common behaviors seriously concern me.
Hi Richard
Thanks for bringing this out for me again after reading Shape of Joy.
Can I be honest in saying that as far as the self reflective bit goes I probably pass the test.
My question to you is what I should do if I fail miserably many of the other tests, in particular with my nearest and dearest. Feel pretty down at the moment and clearly my work being more like Jesus is not working. Following your blogs and books over the last three years is likely not helping much either.
Hoping you may have some words of wisdom for this struggling 76 year old.
Blessings to you
Barry
The Shape of Joy needs to be required reading for humans. Maybe we should make the robots read it too, I mean before they take over.